Some days my pieces of evidence will be stronger than on other days, but that’s the point of this project–it is not only assault and direct violence that make informal whoring the right way of life, but it’s also the emotionally harmful and upsetting things, the unrealized threats, the impediments to life and success, the dumbing down, the dismissal, and, as demonstrated by today’s example, the rampant grossness that women are forced to deal with because of male sexuality. This grossness is harmful not only because it is public, general, and unintentional (because men consider it so normal for women to accept their sexuality that the behavior is automatic and second-nature), and not only because it is personal and intentionally targeted at each respective man’s respective female partners (or acquaintances), but because it is both of those things at the same time and is therefore unavoidable.
Today my co-worker went out to her car in the parking lot, and found that someone had thrown a used condom on top of her car and left it sitting there.
I’m not trying to say that someone did this to be sexually aggressive–in fact I do not think that’s why they did it. I think the offender either feels* it is so normal for men to throw their sexuality around that he didn’t even consider it a problem, or he did know it was a problem but thought it would be funny (maybe precisely because he knew it was a problem).
It is doubly dangerous because people deny it’s the truth, even though it is everywhere. The negative parts of male sexuality are acknowledged for exactly as long as it benefits men, or pleases or amuses the individual male perpetrating it, and at the exact moment that it would benefit women to acknowledge that men love to act this way, it stops being a real thing in the world. I don’t mean to say that once someone acknowledges that this kind of thing is disgusting, that the offending party (or, possibly, any male present during the conversation acknowledging it) retracts and apologizes (either fakely or genuinely)–what I mean to say is that once it would do a woman some good to admit that this type of behavior is very real, people stop admitting that it exists at all.
*I say “feels” because it isn’t even a deliberate thought; even naming it here makes it seem like it’s more conscious than it is.